weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
