I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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