He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
