Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
