So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
