I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
