tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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