I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
