That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
