her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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