My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
