i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
