i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
