you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
