Your face is a jimmy john
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
