smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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