omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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