haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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