At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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