Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
