Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
