Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
