Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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