I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
