Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
