peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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