Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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