I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't put those talents on a resume
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
