I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
