i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I only lived at night.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
