i don't plan on having that self control this summer
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
