SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
