Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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