guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
