The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
