My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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