YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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