I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
