honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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