I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
