you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
