peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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