He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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