I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
