whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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