woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
