I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
