I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
