no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She needs sedatives and a leash
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I would ride that face into the sunset
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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