I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
