All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
