I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
