Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
