she woke up with a sticky ear
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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