Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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