My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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