Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
