I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
