I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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