Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
