I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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